In sickness and in health…
I received an emergency page from a client last night who, crying, reported that she had just found her 30+ year old beloved horse/family member dead in the field. The mare had obviously gone very quickly. Only an hour earlier, she had been grazing normally; no signs of anything amiss. When my client found the horse, it appeared that she had fallen down and through a fence. The exact cause of death is unknown, possibly (in lay terms) a heart attack or brain aneurysm.
Imagine, if you can, discovering your long-time friend and companion motionless and not breathing, fallen through your paddock fencing. I know that even the THOUGHT of the passing of my dog Tulsa, my two cats Moose and Corona or my horse JoJo, is enough to water my eyes.
I’m sure many of you have read the book by Josh Grogan: Me and Marley: Life and Love with the World’s Worst Dog. With my two cats beside me, and Tulsa at my feet (JoJo in the cold barn), I would find myself sobbing as I read. Through thick and thin, the big and the little stuff, Marley was always there. My animals, my husband and my family are always there too. What’s amazing is that being “always there” is simultaneously of the greatest importance and also a most forgettable characteristic. We don’t always realize our love for the everyday people and animals in our lives–until events happen and we wish we had remembered sooner and more often. Me and Marley crystallized how much I love my animals, my husband and my family. The book was therapy as it helped me remember–crying on the couch. The passing of this client’s horse made me remember as well.
This time of year is always hard for equine veterinarians. Seemingly every fall & winter, I am faced with the mortality of my clients’ horses, especially the older crowd. Through improved nutrition, improved dental care and improved health care overall, we are prolonging the life of our horses. I am thankful for this fact. But the passing of a horse, any horse, in my practice weighs on me. That I see it happen too often, makes it more of a cross not less.
I hate to imagine finding my own horse sick, hurt, or god-forbid dead. The sting is so strong when it is our own. Only a few months back I was reduced to tears and hysterics when my own JoJo suffered a fetlock joint puncture and infection! If there is any solace to take from this client’s heartbreak, it IS that she didn’t know in advance–when or how. She didn’t see her horse dieing of colic, infection or trauma or slowly of a progressive disease. If such tragedies could be scripted we might script it like this: The mare was grazing with pasture mates on a crisp fall day until she passed quickly and painlessly.
This script is of little solace and my thoughts are with my client as she deals with her loss.
Dr. Aimee Eggleston
October 26th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
Thank you for this poignant and very important reminder of what matters. My thoughts are with the client who lost her dear equine friend.
October 26th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
I am reading your blog and LOVE it! My sympathy goes out to your client. I am close to tears and had to answer the phone at work just now. Not to make light of all this, at all. I think of my horse,Tucson’s, mortality. He is 8 and I’m 55. Will I be able to muck the yard and tote the hay and carry water buckets in 20 – 25 years? I guess sympathy and empathy are close companions. My heart truly goes out to the owner left behind.
October 26th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
I Hope this adds some comfort for you as well as your clients, I have lost more than my fair share of equines, But I always say, the creator sends me this beautiful creatures for reasons unknown to me….
I am not there
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I amthe diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autum’s rain. When you awaken in the mornings hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shines at nite. Do not stand at my grave and cry: I am not there, I did not die……
October 26th, 2006 at 11:25 pm
Aimee, what a terrible loss for your client. I do agree with your thoughts on her mare not suffering. My family has experienced a terrible tragedy this past July. My brother Billy was killed in an accident, leaving behind three children and his wife. We are all trying to go on with our lives. Everyday is so difficult. It is amazing how the little things bring us comfort, a warm sunny day or a star filled sky. Most of all our children and furry friends. The barn has been my therapy even if its just to do chores or slide my boots on and ride. it seems we all rush thru every day. I have promised myself now to enjoy the gift of life. Now we have found out that are wonderful German shephard, Ruger, has a fast growing tumor. Tim and I are so so sad,again we must cope with the realities of life. We have decided to let Ruger enjoy his life, hanging out at the barn and getting “lots of lovin” as the kids say. When he is in too much pain we will do whats best for him, not us, a fat juicy steak will be his! And he will not suffer, that is our gift to him.
sincerly, Gretchen
October 27th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
I can’t believe I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. This past week brought me back to the reality of how temporary life is. On the same day that Dr. Eggleston was to come examine my 4 year old with an unexplained illness I came home from work to find my other horses out. They were fine but the thought of something happening to my 23 year old, my best friend, broke my heart. After Doc left I found myself in the barn crying for my precious horses. The ones I try to protect and keep safe but are still victims to illness and accidents. My husband brought me back to reality in reminding me how much I mean to them as well. And that I should enjoy every day with them as if it were their (or my) last. Thanks for your story Dr. Eggleston, so true…
October 29th, 2006 at 8:17 pm
I feel for your client. I lost my Mothers mare the same way. I had rode her for many years Sidesaddle and Won many ribbins. On the 4th of July my parents called her to the barn for supper she ran to the barn and dropprd right in front of them. I got the call and said that it wasn’t true and to call DR Eggleston. But it was True. I miss her every day but know that she did’nt suffer and that she is in a better place and that god wanted to go riding and will take great care of her! My thoughts and prayers go out to the clinet that lost her horse that way I truley know how she feels .
November 12th, 2006 at 6:22 pm
I did not think there were any tears left for me to shed or share with anyone else. My heart and my prayers go out to not just this client but for the many owners of horses that have been left behind to grieve. Owners such as I. Two years ago Samantha our lovely old matriarch of 42 years had chosen her time to leave me. She carried our daughter to many titles and championships and long lovely trail rides for more than 20 years of taking care of her. She helped us all to appreciate what wonderful creatures they truly are. In less then 2 years her stall mate of 20 years died suddenly suddenly on Memorial day of an apparent heart attack or stroke as Dr. Aimee advised us. She had been grazing in the pasture, cantered to the barn and dropped in her paddock. She was thirty. I never had a chance to tell her goodbye. My dear friend who sent her retired gelding to come and spend his remaining time at our barn had been his owner for almost 20 years. We had sold him to her as a youngster and now he was coming home so to speak to be with his old friends. His precious life ended just 5 short months later. My friend was devastated as was I, as well as feeling quite guilty about his passing. It was Dr. Eggleston’s compassion and counsiling that got us both through this difficult time. As a horse owner for more than 50years I began to doubt my abilitys to ever care for another equine in need. Slowly I realized the bible’s prophecy of A time to live and a time to die, and realized that it was not up to me how long these horses were to share my life, just that they always would live in my heart. Since then we have fostered and adopted a lovely young throughbred from Suffolk Downs who desperately needed a home to come and share his time with us and our other adopted mare Miss Ellie. She is 23 and in love.Thanks to Dr. Eggleston and others who have lost thier equine friends we share our love and care for them as long as they need us. There are so many that need our help. The pain of losing them will lessen as time passes.
December 7th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
As sure many of you have read…
God looked around His pastures,
And he found an empty pleace.
He looked down upon this earth.
And he saw your tired face.
He knew you were suffering,
He knew you would be in pain.
He Knew you would never
Be well on earth again.
He saw the trails were getting rough,
And the hills were hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whisphered “Peace be thine.”
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God lead you home
Soo sorry…for anyone’s loss…but can you imagine God actually riding any of
our guys and girls..Maybe after chap sores, getting bitten, kicked etc. MAYBE he’ll leave them around longer, so we can enjoy the soft nose kisses,like they are telling you all the barn gossip..
side note..my mini is experiencing problems….we’ll see what’s going on….